rockbottom :(

I am sooo ready to just jump off a bridge right now. we have no food in our house, no money the car is due today my licence are prob suspended, i cant find a job and i have been applying to at least 3 a day everyday including sundays!! will i ever find a job? will i ever get back on my feet?? my kids are on my nerves b/c Im so stressed, ugh. i should have went to the gold club last night to work but i dont wanna take my clothes off for money. monday i have an appointment with medicaid to fild for child support. while im there i am also gonna talk to the food stamp people and see how long it willbe and explain my situation, i am also gonna see about getting on welfare and gfetting some job assistance. I really wanna get on my feet. to top all the bad things off....maddux's birthday is tuesday and i promised to go have lunch with him at his school and bring cupcakes for his class. i guess this coming week im gonna work wed. thur, fri and hope for the best!! i gotta get on my feet. i gotta get maddux a ds. geez. i feel like sucha looser why cant i find a job?? please god let things get better. right nowe i am wanting to go to the gym so badly but i am not even sure ive got the gas to get there and back!! i just called jon and begged him to please please give me the cs money now I pleded with him that he could leave it in garage andiwould come and pick it up and leave him a reciept handwritten. he refused. whata douchebag!! i hTE HIM!! how did i ever get involved in such a crappy marriage?? scum of the earth. god i wish i could have a job. ill work anywhere. burgerking, anywhere!! please god. i cant even work tonite b/c i told my cousin i would babysit!!i dunno what to do i feel at a loss here. i feel like im running out of options. the one thing im terried of my whole time ive had the twins is being a single mom of three, and now look im a single mom of three. truth smacked me in the face, truth is that jon never wanted to be in a relationship anyways. never. not once.he never helped me i always had to do things on my own, he never loved me. never.