I am sooo frekin disappointed in myself right now..ugh what a slippery slope it is i been not going to gym eating like crap and i mean crap i just finished 2 apple pies from mcdonalds...ugh wtf is wrong with me???why cant i just eat clean. i am about to make a grocrey list and buy heaLTH FOOD FOR HOUSE AND STAY UP LATE TOMORROW COOKING CLEAN FOODS....

single mom stress

so this new found independance is way harder than i ever expected it to be with three children. i work my ass of we are talking 50-60 hours a week with one day off in which i dont get to relax because im so on the run, cleaning ect; my bills are behind and are taking some catching up and if i dont cleandone. i am it does not get done if i dont cook it does not get done and i am extremely exsausted. i have to make choices like to i do study for school...clean ...cook...or nap...something always gets left... i have gotta find a way to scedule my time better and actually make it to the gym. i have not been going as much as i should have been but things ahv e been pretty crazy... my water has been shut off 4 days and i am ashamed to say i have not showered in a week...eeek. i know but what to do. today i had to pay property taxes (with my moms check) on this trailer. i founds out that all kinds of renovations need to be done and what not....ugh

rockbottom :(

I am sooo ready to just jump off a bridge right now. we have no food in our house, no money the car is due today my licence are prob suspended, i cant find a job and i have been applying to at least 3 a day everyday including sundays!! will i ever find a job? will i ever get back on my feet?? my kids are on my nerves b/c Im so stressed, ugh. i should have went to the gold club last night to work but i dont wanna take my clothes off for money. monday i have an appointment with medicaid to fild for child support. while im there i am also gonna talk to the food stamp people and see how long it willbe and explain my situation, i am also gonna see about getting on welfare and gfetting some job assistance. I really wanna get on my feet. to top all the bad things off....maddux's birthday is tuesday and i promised to go have lunch with him at his school and bring cupcakes for his class. i guess this coming week im gonna work wed. thur, fri and hope for the best!! i gotta get on my feet. i gotta get maddux a ds. geez. i feel like sucha looser why cant i find a job?? please god let things get better. right nowe i am wanting to go to the gym so badly but i am not even sure ive got the gas to get there and back!! i just called jon and begged him to please please give me the cs money now I pleded with him that he could leave it in garage andiwould come and pick it up and leave him a reciept handwritten. he refused. whata douchebag!! i hTE HIM!! how did i ever get involved in such a crappy marriage?? scum of the earth. god i wish i could have a job. ill work anywhere. burgerking, anywhere!! please god. i cant even work tonite b/c i told my cousin i would babysit!!i dunno what to do i feel at a loss here. i feel like im running out of options. the one thing im terried of my whole time ive had the twins is being a single mom of three, and now look im a single mom of three. truth smacked me in the face, truth is that jon never wanted to be in a relationship anyways. never. not once.he never helped me i always had to do things on my own, he never loved me. never.

cheat day :)

so i had an unplanned cheat meal. money is tight and my mother brought chinease food so I decoded to go buy some cookies n milk to go with it!! yummo. what kind did iu get you may ask...I got pepprodge farm dark chocolate almond chunk. i had 6 dipped in 2% milk. i feel my stomach swelling now :(!!! I am trying to get some school work done now and my eyes r crossing...guh

disappointment.....

I am so disappointed in myself. i just devoured ice cream. ugh. what is wrong with me? i just drank froday now i ate ice cream. i weigh 127 pounds. i was 115 a few weeks ago. all this stress. i need to hire mike davies asap. i guess i just cant do it on my own. i wanna say i can. i really want too!!!! i guess if i dont check into someone i just cant do it. i feel like such a looser right now. however on a good note, i found a club to work at and i think i can do pretty good there and maybe get caught up!! i am over missing jon and dont wanna work things out with him at all!! im over it. im over our marriage and i just wanna move on!! i love my babys and i love living a fit lifestyle!! i am so thankful that i have health and the love of my children. thankfull that i have the will to survivie and be healthy and happy. i dont need anyone but myself!! ive gotta get back on track health wise.

ugh...diet

I have completly screwed up my diet. i have been eating crap and it seems like i cant stop. i feel like im in a downward spiral. food has been scarce and i ha e been stresses and seem to use food as my crutch. i just finished downing a pack of peanut m&ms that were suppose to be my sons...ugh. i gotta buy him some more:( i feel like such a looser as right now i am trying to talk myself into not eating pasta...what is wrong with me? how do i stop this? i need to make sure i have food prepped. my son had surgery this morning. i have been eating crappy for a week now and am gaining weight:( i think im gonna take my cheat meal away for the next few weeks since i have went so far off track gonna be hard to do but its gotta be done. back to the ole diet. i gotta goal and i am not gonna let jonathan p deaver win over my physique. i gotta be happy with myself:) back to the game plan:) that means for diner its gonna be chicken and zucchini. meal #7 is gonna be no carb protein pancake too!! i can do this i can do this!!! i will do this:) think lori hardner-monica brant-alicia marie- jessica paxon-putnam.....i wont let food win...i feel like a far girl..lmao...starting weigh 129.0

bahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

sooo today is sept 6 2010. my car insurance is offically cancelled:(. nothing has been going right today and my babys are gonw with their daddy. my oldest refuses to shut up and now that he's seen that i have a ride now all the sudden wants to be sweet(puke)..and say how its sad i dont love him anymore. whatever. y is it that he bails when things are awful and wants to come back when things are better??? ugh. he makes me sick. the longer i stay away from hium the more i wanna divorce, i dont think i am in love with him anymore. I just wanna get a job and get on my feet. be on my own and move on. i mean seriously! so todays diet has been ok so far but not fantastic:) it has been as follows: meal 1: oatmeal pancake-6 egg whites 1/4 oats, truvia, cinnimon, 1/4 sf syrup

meal2: oh yeAH rtd vanilla protein shake(32g)

meal 3: wholw foods:4oz white fish, 1/4-1/2(not measured) red quinoa,1 cup green beans 4 tbs pb(crazy richards) and now i am gonna take a digestive enzyme, fish oil, and multi:)

the rest of my planned meals are:meal4: 4oz talapia, 1 zucchini

meal5: 4 oz chicken 1 bag cabbage

meal 6:6 e whites....

till later:)

ok...im comfort food eating wtf???

ok so for like 3-4 days now ive been eating crap for comfort!!! ugggh. ive gotta get some $$$ to go get good healthy food. i need some pb, eggs protein powder o and gum...those are what saves me during those times of need. im going through a really hard time right now ands seem to be turning to food. I realize what im doing at the time and i just dont give a damn!!!! i dont even have any eggs. im sooo fucking frustrated. it is not like the food makes me even feel better eiether! this sux. ive gotta find a way to rise above it. im gonna be starving the next few days because i am taking myself off carbs!! no coffee(im out). i guess tomorrow for breakfast im gonna have tuna...thats it just tuna, no oatmeal and no carbs all day. tuna salad..(tuna and lettuce), i guess im gonna have to fill my belly up with water because ive gotta balance out what it is that i have done to my body the ast few days....i feel like such a fucking moron. how do others handle stress?? i mean if i did have th babys and live in a neighborhood full or mexicans wierdos ams rednecks i would just run, but um yeah not happening. i am soooo fucking angry at myself now! UGH. IN ALL REALITY I CANT EVEN PUT PB BACK IN FOR A FEW DAYS not that i even have any:(. my mom brought me food last night and i have went through almost all of it like im starving to death. i am so fucking sick n tired of this crap!!!!! omg!!!!

turning over a new leaf:)

so today things are still not great, but thet r getting better!! iknow that they will. my car will be fixed in the next 2 weeks i know it will. i will more than likely get the @ home teletech job and recieve income. i will work my tail off > I will overcome this mess that im in, this single lady cant take care of myself. I cant believe that i let someone put me in this situation. ugh- im like a helpless little girl and it makes me sick. i never wanna feel this way again. the feeling of not being able to take care of myself makes me sick!! jon has made not be able to work and leaves me without any food or money!! sure he pays the bills but we are starving!! what the hell?? he thinks that he is doing a good deed but seriously its his responsability to take car of his wife. he married me and i have not been able to work because ive had to drive him around and the ungreatful sob left me high and dry. He wounders y i dont wanna be with him and thats y. now i am gonna file for medicaid, cs and foodstamps. what a freaking jerk. he really thinks the world owes him. all i wanted was for him to give a fuck about me, to be a husband and love me. to put someone before himself and to appreciate me for what i do. i bet i could get alamoney too. im gonna burn his ass. he has fucked with the wrong one this time i am not gonna roll over and play dead. im done.

aug 26 2010

well it is 624 am and i am cooking me al #1` oatemal pancakes:) I just finished my ouside cardio on a empty stomach it was about 25 mins of walking/running laps around m,y yard. things are pretty rocky for me right now and i feel like I have pretty much hit rock bottom. I am getting a divorce, my bank account in in the red, i have no job, motor is blown in my car, cant get to gym, car insurance acancelled, and things pretty much suck for me right now. the thinkg about hitting rock bottom is there is no where to go but up.... I am not giving up. i feel like it sometimes but its not gonna happen:) it seems like the harder things get the more jon gives up and bails. what a GREAT husband huh? he's such a douchebag. i wish i diden't love him. wish you could pick who you loved.

aug 15 2010

oh my where to begin..i kicked jo out monday and was very cool with it but right now actually for a couple days ive been missing him very badly, the bad outweighs the good in our relationship so im pretty sure im making the right choice but it does not make it any easier. i've never know love until i met him. we had two kids together and he is my husband but i guess even with all that its not enough. he drinks all the time and sleeps all day and out lifestyles are so completly different. im not expecting him to change who he is but i dont have to live with him or be around him because we are 28 and its tiime for us to to grow up...sad but true. his mother is a large part of our problem, she has handed him everything so much that he does not know how to be adult. he thinks our parents should still be paying for everything. we are so completly diffrerent, i dont like to ask for money i would rather find my own way to get it, no matter what it takes. i guess we are just too different to be together. sucks. on the other hand, tomorrow is mads first day of his 2ed year of first grade and i feel so bad for him. its just now sinking in that all his friends are in a grade above him. that he is gonna be so much older than everyone else. sucks. he was in tears tonite bc i would not let him go eat breakfast at school so that he could see his friends.poor guy. well i have to mop the floor then off to bed to try and read someof my material i need to know for tomorrow then up early and on new sced!! xoxo

aug 7 2010

So today I'm having a full day at the pool!!! I stayed
At my mom's last night. Maddux, the twins and I. I have went off
My diet some the past 2 days. Yesterday I had 3 drinks 2 of them being red wine. Today I've had
2 mini baby ruth bars. All my other meals have been healthy
And now I've gotta get back on track. Its such a slippery slope
If you/ I allow it!!!! Its a little after 1pm and so far
My meals have been as follows: meal1: 1/4 c quinoia,2tbsp pb, 1 scoop protein,
2 pkys stevia meal2: 1 scoop protein 2 tbsp pb meal 3: 2 fun size baby ruth 4 oz talapia and a 1 cup asparagus !!!!
We'll see how the rest goes.....

aug 5 2010

I feel like I am going insaine. time with jenny lynn is over:( i feel out of control and must hire a nutritionist immediatley!!! the only thing is that now my account is over drafted 116.00!!! holy hell. the good news is that I got my resume done which i hope is good. I have been sending them off to different places. I would like to have an office job but i dont have a lot of office experience unfortunatley and the way the economy is today i pretty much have to work what I have the most experience in...manufactering...boo!! I want something else. retail or office work is preferred:) I really screwed up my diet today but tomorrow is a new day and will be better i just know it:o) until then..xoxo

aug 1st 2010

well today is the first day of augest and summeing to an end which sucks and breaks my heart! I did not even get to take maddux and the twins on vacation!! bummer. i think this year starting in january im gonna start saving up ahead of time open a savings account and not let jon know wanything about it so when its time for vacation i can just go!! I would like to go to disneyland in orlando. I am ot gonna tell anyone and justs start saving. i am gonna trt an ebay buisness started. i need to spend less and sell more and ill be ok. i took todem pole last night and fell out on jon. i can not sit around with those things if im out im cool or cleaning im cool but dont let me sit down!!lol i had a great day with my hubby yesterday but i really miss maddux and am so glad to be getting him back today!! so excited, i miss my monkey! i think im gonna return this movie and rent him one and let him have a mini slumber party!! I am still having a hard time controlling my fat intakeand have already had 5 sevings of almonds today!! geez, o well ill take iut thecarbs today and try to do better tomorrow!! its a good think im learning my weakness before my contest prep, lol. this is my pre contest prep prep i guess. i am def learning what foods affect my body in which way of course things are always changing!! untill later xoxo

july 23 2010

so it's 739 am on friday. kids fighting the hubby been up all night drinking again!! I dnt wanna be around him when he's been drinking hell i dont wanna be around him most the time anyway, I have so many resentments against him!! the thing is that i cant let go of them simply because he does not change. he will never stop drinking...ever i dont see it happening. he is always gonna be unhealthy. he say i think i am better than everyone bc fat people gross me out!! its not that at all it just disquist me how society gorges on junk and then teaches the children that this is the way to live...gross. I love staying homw with the kids I really do but obviously i cant do this anymore bc things are not getting taken care of bill wise and its stressing me out, i owe dan,school, ect ect ect the list goes on and on. everytime i need something its a huge deal and camille does not even have shoes to fit her fet. i think im gonna have to leave him and take care of things myself, actually he is gonna have to leave. I am gonna start today appling for jobs online, just a small job like target, ross, belk, pennys....something like that retail. i can do retail,be a mom do school and be healthy and not be too overworked:) i mean in all reality it would probly make my life a whole lot easier because I can get a second shift job in retail and still have my morning gym routine:) I wont get as much time with the kids and i will always hate jon for that bc tabs and beer comes before his family but i cant continue to live like this struggleing and stressed. I have an ulcer and my kids did not ask to be born. well off to the gym

july 21 2010

well today is .my second day of being sick as hell. i have some kinda stomach virus and having to take care of kids while sick is not fair. my husband is not very husbandly andi think i wanna divorce. I feel like im all on my own with everything and all he does is pay bills. not fair. i could work and pay bills myself. been there done that. I actually have less help with three kids than i had with one. i have not showered in 3 days and my hair is greasy. the house is a mess even though in between bathroom runs(literally) i hhave been trying to wash dishes do laundry and vacuum only to turn around and there be crmbs all over the floor and carpet again. i should be resting but not happening because im a mom. I guess thats life. i love my kids but have a lot of resendtment twards jon. there are so many things about him i hate and i know i should not hold gruges but he does not really change i feel like i have to walk on egg shells around him. he's not very fatherly to maddux which is very important!!! the kids make me insaine!!! i never get a break ever!! he thinks on his days off he is suppose to relax and drink beer bbq make a fucking mess or whatever and when he works he is suppose to sleep till time for him to get up and get ready!!!! how fair is that?? i had a 2 hour lectut=re i had to do live and things happeneded and i had to bring mad home for church and he was going to satans house so could not watch his own kids si 2 days later guess where he is still at??? now im sick and i was suppose to bring the kids to him? seriously?? selfish ass!! he does not want to do things for me suc as helping me have time to myself(kid free) to get school work done butim suppose to go outta my way to get him tabs, a ride whereever he needs to go, bc thats my duty AS a wife??? what about his duty as a husband?? fuck that an eye for an eye from now on!! on top of that i feel like im loosing my fitness because ive been so sick i have not been going to gym, tomorow i have to go bc i cant miss more than 2 days i now am gonna have to go through the weekeend as well but thats fine. i have a goal in mind of competiting next year and i will do it. i may not place well but im gonna enter expewrience it and live my passion of fitness. thats another thing about him i cant stand he makes it so hard to live healthy. he drinks smokes and eats crap. there is always beer boxes on floor....im over the party scence and drinking every once in a while is fine but not all the fucking time. i wanna set a good example, dont get me wrong have things on myself i need to work on as well. my anger, temper and attitude are a constant struggle for me. i will continue working on myself inside and out... untill later xo

so it's been a few days since i posted. today i am very annoyed. jon(the hubby) gets on my fucking nerves, as are the children i am very very stressed, ther house staysa mess, im always worried about money, i am helpless jobless and poor. my car is fucked and keeps running hot and I never get time to myself....i mean never. I am trying to be more posative but i cant muster up patience for all the shit i have to do and jon likes to tack on even fucking more...wtf???? the floor stays dirty no matter how oftern i clean it. the dvd player is broken so we have no tv!! im so annoyed. more posative!!!!!! opps positive

july 14 2010

ok so i got word from jenny that i get a cheat meal today....and boy did i cheat and boy did i cheat!!! I wanted to have something sweet so i ordered pizza and went to ingles to get a slice of cheese cake... i found a reeses cheese cake so i got me that and the kids each a key lime iie, then went to get the pizza...which i got waaay to much of, and when we got home i had my 3 1/2 slices of pizza and 2 beers i opened a cheese cake and realized there was 2, i had both plus a piece of key lime pie, then i proceeded to have 3 100 cal pkgs nuts....ive eaten like 1000 calories i know!! I feel AWFUL!! my stomach is overfull!! I never wanna feel like this. i think i could go without sweets and carbs forever just so i would never feel like this again!! uggggggggggg.

july 11,2010

so....its suday!! checked my weight and bf!! weight=121.5 and bf=15.4!!!! yay!! so i need to do a track workout but its nearly impossible with 3 kids...let me tell ya!! I guess im gonna let it go for the weeknd. I did get in a shoulder workout yesterday at least. jon n I are having some major maritail issues and i really dunno if its gonna pan out. we are not on the same level or waveleingth or whatever. if i did not have kids i would have left him a long time ago cos hw is an arrogant sob!!! i am trying to not say bad things but they have to get out and thats what a blog is for??!! I have a lot i need to do around the house but am decideding to watch tv on the internet instaed. i loooove the gilmore girls and am watching reruns. i wish we had a dvd player that worked and i could put babys in chair and put sesame st movie on and work away. they are actually laying down for a nap so i am about to try yo get in some work. i applied for a part time job at liquid hwy on woodruff, its minimum wage but would help out a lot:) i would have money to cover my supplament s and it would get mew out of the house andmake me feel like i had alittle independance:) i hope i get it. i need a prt time job so i can still get school work done. i hope it all works out:) till later... i will try and load up a new body pic oxoxo

july 10,2010

good morning!! I woke up in a fowl ass mood today because jon left me yet another note saying he could not get up with camille...blah blah blah..he was tired blah blah blah and all that jazz. kids woke me up at 5am!!!! eek. its saturday too:( I have had meal one...protein pancake...having a low carb day today bc i had so many fats yesterday:)). I am now cooking my post workout meal...fish. hehe who in the world cooks fish at 730am??? lol. I am having my yummy coffee. I am hooked on walmart brand espresso coffee with torani syrup in it...FANTASTIC!!!! I am hoping to get some things done today. I am also hoping that jon stays somewhere else tonight he is draining my posative energy...always!! I am seriously notsure I wanna be in this marriage anymore. no sex. we dont have fun together and to be quite honest i dont even wanna have sex. im sick of him. he drinks to much i wanna be with someone with out a drinking problem:) I also don't wanna be alone and that is the only reason i am with him...fear of rejection from someone else. plus its comfortable and I have three kids and no career. who's gonna want that?? I am working on saying more posative things but have not acomplished that yet. like this morning i said my kids ruined my life i did not mean that at all. life is what i choose it to be. I can choose to sit in the wading pool, i can choose to go downstream or i can choose to make it hard and go up stream. i AM CHOOSING TO GO UP STREAM AGAINST THE CURRENT AND MAKE IT HARD ON MYSELF, THAT IS A CHOICE I MADE ALL ON MY OWN...I AM NOW GOING TO CHOOSE ANOTHER WAY... I started this blog as part of a new process and otlet if you will to the new me.... these are the changes i will make: 1)be a more positive person(try to not say negative or hurtful things out loud and oush them out of my head)
2)be thankful for all that i have
3)realize that nonone is perfect and everyone makes mistakes
4)allow sources love to flow through me
5)start an online buisness involved in the fitness industry
6)spend time with each child individualy everyday
until later xoxo

july 9 2010

so I am a little frustrated today. I can't go to the gym. camille contracted staph infection. jon's exsausted so...that leaves me sol!! yesterday was a decent day(except for finding out my daughter had staph) maybe i'll get in a workout this afternoon-after my energy is gone....but hey...you gotta do what u gotta do i guess:) today i am gonna try to get some things done... i am really wanting to workout!! the only thing i can possibly get done with two babys is some cardio. i think ill do that!! I think ill take off trash in a few, and go take them to the trail and go for an hour of cardio. maybe cleveland park!! that would be nice!! then all have left to do this afternoon would be some legs/abs. Im sure my mother would not mind watching camille so i could do that!! so its settled...im gonna finsih my coffee and head to take off trash then out for cardio. I might just go in tr ipod in tow:)) xoxo-n

july 7 2010

TODAY IS HUMP DAY AND IT HAS BEEN ONE HELL OF A DAY. DAY 2 OF NO PB AND STARTED WANTING IT PRETTY BAD BUT NONE IN THE HOUSE:) i HAD A VERY BUSY DAY AND GOT MY NUTRITION LECTURE NOTES FINISHED!!! YAY ME:)) HOWEVER, THE DVD PLAYER BROKE, ALL THESE NEW MOVIES TO KEEP BABY OCCUPIED AND NO DVD PLAYER, HONESTLY ITS THE ONLY WAY I GET ANYTHING DONE!! CAMILLE HAS SOME KIND OF SKIN CONDITIONAND IF ITS STILL THERE IN THE MORNING AFTER GYM GONNA HAVE TO TAKE HER DOC, READ ON WEBSITE IF ITS WHAT IT SAYS...HIGHLY CONTAGIOUS. THEY CALL IT THE SCHOOL HOUSE BUMP....SHE HAD EM BEFORE AND THEY WENT AWAY. NOT ONLY HAVE I NOT HAD PB BUT I HAVE NOT HAD COFFEE TODAY EIETHER...JUST REALIZED,.,, GO ME!! i STARTED TAKING BETA STAX AND I DID NOT THINK THEY WERE WORKING THAT WELL, GUESS I WAS WRONG. MY DIET WAS OK TODAY BUT NOT GREAT: 730AM MEAL#1 OATMEAL PANCAK ES 6EW, 1/4 C OATS 2 PKTS STEVIA 1/4
MEAL 2: 2 SCOOPS WHEY 1 SCOOP CREATINE 1 SCOOP GLUTIMINE
MEAL 3 TALAPIA RICE AND ASPARAGUS
MEAL 4 NO CARD PROTEIN PANCAKE
MEAL 5 CHICKEN 1/2 C ASPARAGUS AND 1 SCOOP PROTEIN 2 PKTS STEVIA AND 1TBSP COCOA(SWEET TOOTH)
MEAL 6 SAME AS 4
MEAL 7 8EGG WHITES 1/4 EACH MUSHROOMS AND ONIOS
1 CUP CINNIMON APPLE SPICE TEA AND 1 CUP CAMMOMILE:))) NITEY NITE

peanut butter addict....

hi my name is nikki and i am addicted to penanut butter ...seriously its july 5th and i blogged about how i just bought some peanut butter and how it was a bottle of natrally more...well that was a few hours ago and i have now demolished the whole f-ing jar. I always do I dunno why I think i can beat this i cant a have got to stop buying it...seriously flax seed onley as god is my witness....i will not go down like that:) grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I'm so pissed off at myself!!!!!! 11 g of fat per 2 tbsp...14 servings per container and i ate them all!!! i should be ashamed and i am:(

july 5th 2010

today so far so good. i am sunburned from yesterdays boat ride on the 4th:) I found it very hard as I am trying to lean out to avoid the cakes and cookies and sandwiches and chips and candy and hamburgers and hot dog and candy....so I goofed on the candy i had 3 fun size pkgs of skittles and 2 starburst. I did think simply because I did not prepare enough food. I should have stuck to my guns and just went home...but I did not wanna be alone. My meals yesterday were as follows: meal 1: 2 scoops protowhey in 1/2 cup oats, 2 pkts stevia extract
meal:2 4 scoops protowhey
meal3:3 handfulls kashi honey wheat o's cereal 1 chicken fillet(chargrilled) from chick fil a and 1 cup baked zucchini
meal:4: 4oz talapia and 1 cup zucchini
meal5:2 scoops protowhey
meaL 6(WAY TO LONG LATER): 3 fun size skittles and 2 starburst(why waiting on dinner) 4 oz chicken and broccoli and cheese(the fam trying to oblige)
meal 6:(way to long later..again) 4 scoops protowhey

eek. I really screwed up the diet. fail to plan ..plan to fail...and again today. I had my first yoga class today which was awesome and helped me relieve some stress:)) however I for gotr my post yoga snack so after the class i was STARVING!!!!! to make matters worse i had to stop by ingles for fish...complt. out at home and since thats meals 3 and 4 had to have it !!! I also picked up some pb drooling about how good it would be with my 4 scoops protein powder. I tend to abuse pb so this was a mistake. I came home an hour past the time i was suppose to eat and had a heaping 2 tbsp with my 4 sc oops proto whey...bad bad bad. waaaaay to much pb. I am now prepping food(brown rice and fish) for the next 2 days and will not screw up again, will not have anymore pb and will not screw up diet again..will be lean:) until later xoxo nikki