july 23 2010

so it's 739 am on friday. kids fighting the hubby been up all night drinking again!! I dnt wanna be around him when he's been drinking hell i dont wanna be around him most the time anyway, I have so many resentments against him!! the thing is that i cant let go of them simply because he does not change. he will never stop drinking...ever i dont see it happening. he is always gonna be unhealthy. he say i think i am better than everyone bc fat people gross me out!! its not that at all it just disquist me how society gorges on junk and then teaches the children that this is the way to live...gross. I love staying homw with the kids I really do but obviously i cant do this anymore bc things are not getting taken care of bill wise and its stressing me out, i owe dan,school, ect ect ect the list goes on and on. everytime i need something its a huge deal and camille does not even have shoes to fit her fet. i think im gonna have to leave him and take care of things myself, actually he is gonna have to leave. I am gonna start today appling for jobs online, just a small job like target, ross, belk, pennys....something like that retail. i can do retail,be a mom do school and be healthy and not be too overworked:) i mean in all reality it would probly make my life a whole lot easier because I can get a second shift job in retail and still have my morning gym routine:) I wont get as much time with the kids and i will always hate jon for that bc tabs and beer comes before his family but i cant continue to live like this struggleing and stressed. I have an ulcer and my kids did not ask to be born. well off to the gym